~ staying single ~

What is this strangeness about staying single that I've heard so much about?

Is the concept of consciously deciding to be single an act of self impoverishment? I have always found that those few people who have no desire to find a partner as strange. I cannot comprehend why they decide to be single, as having a partner is... fulfilling. A girlfriend or a fiancee and then a wife can give a sense fulfilment of your life.

Humans, by order of nature, are social beings. Every man and woman desires contact with other people. It's a fundamental development of our anthopology because 'no man is an island'. This is because no one person can do the work of three people. Much like how a single man cannot play a side alone in the team game that is of soccer. You plow your fields for wheat, I graze my cattle on grass. I can survive on steak and you can bake cakes. But, let us trade our individual skills so that together, we can make meat pies (that was so Ultima Online...). Humans, by order of nature, are interdependant on each other.

By my view, as descrided above, this concept of deciding to stay single confounds me. A good friend described her unique situation today as a matter of choice. She is well liked, smart, friendly and not to say hideous in the least. I didn't understand why she decided on the single path. Her objective was now to complete a set of personal goals outside of having relationships. A lot of the discussion revolved about life, careers, family and our impending completion of university.

On a side note, the phrase on my MSN that says "not afraid of the future" relates to the completion of my age as a tertiary student.

Anyways, back to my previous discussion.... heh! Both me and said friend came to the conclusion that it is not quite enough that people have to go through the heartache and pain of being in love. I personally took her views as being afraid... almost cowardice of being in love. Because I view love as the remedy to a boring life. Life is so much more fun when you know that you are appreciated for who you are. And, the simple act of waking up next to your love on a beautiful morning... the experience is incomparable. But, as with the flavour of sugar... the is the taste of sourness.

In all things, there must be a balance.

You love and you get together with a girl. You both enjoy life as a couple. But, if it does not work out... there is pain. There will be conflict and moments of sadness. You then decide to give it up and part ways. You break up with great sadness and the story ends. Simplicity... life is simple.

I asked her, "Why decide on complicating your life?" She then proceeded to explain to me her understandings about past relationships that had failed and the heartaches that scar deep. She told me about our our contemporaries who gave up so much because of their focus on love. There was another long discussion about what sort of partner she wanted. And, I listened...

Life is simple. The sky is blue and the grass is green. Sometimes you cannot do what you want. So, you do what you can. I can go on forever... My father illustrates this concept eloquently. Life is all about decisions; Yes and No answers. You come to a point in your life when you need to make decisions. Think through the consequences and make a decisive decision. If the consequences are not as you expected, then there is another decision to be made. There is no Right or Wrong.

I shall digress again... the concepts of Right and Wrong are societal. My proof of this? The conservative culture America is strongly against prostitution and drugs. But the more liberal European countries are more tolerant of said prostitution and drugs. Hence we have the popular holiday destination that is Amsterdam.

Her decision for staying single is based on her need for self improvement. She has decided that her perfect partner is really an absolute. An being who she is today, she does not feel capable of matching up to her ideal man. Sort of a non-qualified clause in marrying said ideal spouse. She decided on taking a break from the dating game so that she could focus on improving herself. All this, so that she may match up to her ideal man.

Understanding this... I've assimilated this thought for my own. It was much like how I went through a lonely period after my first love story ended. Upon starting university, I was so happy with the fresh opportunity and the new friends I eventually made kept me busy. I had unconsciously began and went through a period of self improvement during those years. And, I will admit that it perpared me well for the subsequent relationships that had followed.

So, I've decided to begin another period of self improvement. I have a need to improve on myself and because of this I choose to be single for awhile. At least, until someone pretty crosses eyes with me on the street.