"Judge me not for what I say, but for what I do."
Am I really doing the things I should be doing? I want to be judged and be seen to be a person of integrity and ability. Who does not want these goals? For, in the eyes of society, they are virtuous and honest ideals.
It is so easy for me to talk and share stories and affirm people. It is so easy to tell people what they need to hear. I can affirm people of their beliefs and share confidence to my peers. I can tell stories, share anecdotes and joke with friends forever. I asked myself this... "Am I qualified in my integrity to speak all that I have said?"
I need to draw the line sometime...
I'm a little lost these days. I call the very period of what I am doing as being adrift. I've been sleeping at the odd hours and waking up at odder hours. This should stop... I need to get myself back on track with mmy life. It's sad really 'cause the past few months I couldn't sleep unless I was body tired. That is the kind fatigue you feel when you are 120% uncapable of staying cognitive anymore, and you must sleep... should sleep.
I've been staying out until un~Godly times before coming back home. If it isn't late enough for me, I'll drive around and listen to my CDs until I'm good and ready. I have my good friends in Lin Jun Jie and Penny Tai... but what are their worth to me?Then, I'll walk into my room and just sit here and play with my blog... I am writing and thinking of things that are inconsequential to my future. Nonsense, if you will...
I believe I have mourned enough and I am ready to move on. I should not cry over spilt milk. My girlfriend had come into my life and she has left me an age ago. The feelings of love probably died out earlier than that. I have been clinging on to the ghosts of a past better remembered.
I am ready to TAKE BACK WHAT IS MINE. I miss the Christopher who was brash and so eager to learn in the first years of his university life. I want my life back. I miss the Christopher who wanted to take on all the project tasks during his internship year. I want to smile and smell the mornings. I miss the Christopher who drove fast and lived even faster. I want to wake up happy and attack the problems that make up... life. I'm ready to rethink my goals in my life.
What do I want out of the 50 odd years left of my existence on earth?
I sincerely do not know... and that scares me.
It is so easy for me to talk and share stories and affirm people. It is so easy to tell people what they need to hear. I can affirm people of their beliefs and share confidence to my peers. I can tell stories, share anecdotes and joke with friends forever. I asked myself this... "Am I qualified in my integrity to speak all that I have said?"
I need to draw the line sometime...
I'm a little lost these days. I call the very period of what I am doing as being adrift. I've been sleeping at the odd hours and waking up at odder hours. This should stop... I need to get myself back on track with mmy life. It's sad really 'cause the past few months I couldn't sleep unless I was body tired. That is the kind fatigue you feel when you are 120% uncapable of staying cognitive anymore, and you must sleep... should sleep.
I've been staying out until un~Godly times before coming back home. If it isn't late enough for me, I'll drive around and listen to my CDs until I'm good and ready. I have my good friends in Lin Jun Jie and Penny Tai... but what are their worth to me?Then, I'll walk into my room and just sit here and play with my blog... I am writing and thinking of things that are inconsequential to my future. Nonsense, if you will...
I believe I have mourned enough and I am ready to move on. I should not cry over spilt milk. My girlfriend had come into my life and she has left me an age ago. The feelings of love probably died out earlier than that. I have been clinging on to the ghosts of a past better remembered.
I am ready to TAKE BACK WHAT IS MINE. I miss the Christopher who was brash and so eager to learn in the first years of his university life. I want my life back. I miss the Christopher who wanted to take on all the project tasks during his internship year. I want to smile and smell the mornings. I miss the Christopher who drove fast and lived even faster. I want to wake up happy and attack the problems that make up... life. I'm ready to rethink my goals in my life.
What do I want out of the 50 odd years left of my existence on earth?
I sincerely do not know... and that scares me.
2 comments:
if you find that you ve finally come to terms with what is needed to be done,
then you shall be able to anywhere, anyhow....
take care of yourself, one of the best place to start, u r wat u ll be, becuz you r special just the way u r....
"... because I'm special just the way I am..."
Thank you.
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