I woke up today not feeling 100%.
It's much like as if my heart is wrapped in stone today. I find myself rather emotionally negative this gloomy morning. The skies are grey and the wind is cold. My room seems dark and depressing, even after I had drawn the blinds open. I feel constricted within the walls of my life. I had a think about my current situation and I've come to the conclusion I do not have anything thats makes me feel fulfilled.
I had then decided to go brighten up my day by sitting in front of my PS2. Usually, by playing games I feel much better and happier. I had just sat in front of said PS2 and completed DMC3. I had gone through the last three levels since 9am... had beaten Arkham and Vergil. I even got to see the ending. I felt no elation what-so-ever at my acheivement.
Dad was awake and decided to share a cup of coffee with me. I engaged him in one of our conversations about everything under the sun. I love my father... I have great respect for him. We dicussed the Arsenal vs Man Utd match and about football (read as soccer) in general. I criticized the protesters on Bourke St and shared my views on human intellect and philosophy. Dad argued about extremism and how some people "just don't bloody care." We discussed the economic state of the world. I love talking to my dad, I learn and experience through him. Yet, I do not feel any better...
And, then... I asked dad about my future.
What is my future? The future is never written in stone, it is what you make of it. The vision of what I want to be eludes me. I want to be all that I can be. And, what might "all I can be" really be about? I have it good as I can stay on in Australia after I finish or I may opt to return to Malaysia. I can try my luck in Sydney or in Sillicon Valley. I could do a few years in Europe and travel France, Czech and England. I might join my uncle at IBM in Auckland or I could work for Shell on an offshore drilling platform.
I am currently listening to John Mayer - Something's Missing. I can identify with the song... Something is really missing from my life, and I don't know how to fix it. I wish I was feeling really alone without friends and family who love me. All this, so I can blame my loneliness for my negativity today. But, I had just received a call from KL by my cheerful aunt. She called to just say hello. I know am supposed to feel loved but... I don't feel anything.
I feel very down and the lethargy is greatly annoying me. I am not even sure if my current state of mind is because of my own imagination...
"It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness."
- Thomas Jefferson
It's much like as if my heart is wrapped in stone today. I find myself rather emotionally negative this gloomy morning. The skies are grey and the wind is cold. My room seems dark and depressing, even after I had drawn the blinds open. I feel constricted within the walls of my life. I had a think about my current situation and I've come to the conclusion I do not have anything thats makes me feel fulfilled.
I had then decided to go brighten up my day by sitting in front of my PS2. Usually, by playing games I feel much better and happier. I had just sat in front of said PS2 and completed DMC3. I had gone through the last three levels since 9am... had beaten Arkham and Vergil. I even got to see the ending. I felt no elation what-so-ever at my acheivement.
Dad was awake and decided to share a cup of coffee with me. I engaged him in one of our conversations about everything under the sun. I love my father... I have great respect for him. We dicussed the Arsenal vs Man Utd match and about football (read as soccer) in general. I criticized the protesters on Bourke St and shared my views on human intellect and philosophy. Dad argued about extremism and how some people "just don't bloody care." We discussed the economic state of the world. I love talking to my dad, I learn and experience through him. Yet, I do not feel any better...
And, then... I asked dad about my future.
What is my future? The future is never written in stone, it is what you make of it. The vision of what I want to be eludes me. I want to be all that I can be. And, what might "all I can be" really be about? I have it good as I can stay on in Australia after I finish or I may opt to return to Malaysia. I can try my luck in Sydney or in Sillicon Valley. I could do a few years in Europe and travel France, Czech and England. I might join my uncle at IBM in Auckland or I could work for Shell on an offshore drilling platform.
I am currently listening to John Mayer - Something's Missing. I can identify with the song... Something is really missing from my life, and I don't know how to fix it. I wish I was feeling really alone without friends and family who love me. All this, so I can blame my loneliness for my negativity today. But, I had just received a call from KL by my cheerful aunt. She called to just say hello. I know am supposed to feel loved but... I don't feel anything.
I feel very down and the lethargy is greatly annoying me. I am not even sure if my current state of mind is because of my own imagination...
"It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness."
- Thomas Jefferson
1 comment:
happiness is the contendment that one should seek to appreciate and value.
Comparisons should not be made in respect to those in another level, but to the understanding of your blessed self and to those whom is at your own..
if u find contendment,u find happiness...(hope it enlightens u..)
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