Are you over your ex? Are you sure?

By Alonna Friedman

An article from MSN Dating and Personals.




“We often don’t see that we are not ready [to date again] because we’re trying to be strong and protect ourselves." We want immediate gratification to heal wounds, so now that X is gone, bring on Z.

Getting involved with someone new only works if your ex is out of your system.




I know (sarcasm...) that it was written with women in mind as the readers. But still, check yourself!

1. His name is no longer part of your lexicon.
“You need to talk about your ex to process the breakup and exorcise him from your mind,” says Rhonda Findling, author of Don’t Call That Man: A Survival Guide to Letting Go. “But if you still make references to him months down the line, you’re still preoccupied.” That goes for praising him and badmouthing him.

2. You’ve erased all signs of him.
Any reminder, no matter how cute or fuzzy, will let the relationship specter haunt you. Take those photos, the stuffed monkey, and the cheap necklace and hide them in the back of the closet. Even less obvious bits of the past can keep you from moving forward. “I deleted his number from my cell because it came right before my mom’s so I saw his name all the time,” says Carla, 28, of New York City. “Then I got rid all the voicemails I had saved.”

3. Reminders of him don’t cause pain.
Some things you can’t put up in the closet. Whether it’s the song you danced to when “I love you” was first uttered or hearing someone order his favorite sandwich in a deli, you should no longer get weepy. Lots of people like roast beef on rye. It’s okay if you’re prompted to remember him briefly, but sad thoughts should not prevail.

4. He has a new girlfriend—and you’re happy about that.
“I heard my ex was seeing someone new and I was jealous at first,” says Marie, 29, of San Diego, CA. “It was only when I stopped feeling sick to my stomach that I knew I was 100 percent over him.” When you feel genuinely happy that he has moved on, it’s time for you to do the same.

5. You stop comparing new men to your ex.
“You can blame it on lack of chemistry, but if you aren’t ready to start a new relationship, you’ll come up with any excuse for why the date was bad,” says Findling. You are over him when you can peg a bad date as just that — bad — and not blame the guy for failing to live up to your ex.

6. Having the weekend to yourself feels fine.
When your other half is gone, being alone feels dreadful. How can you get through that unstructured time without that special someone by your side? But eventually that anxious outlook fades. “Weekends were always for couple time, so it was hard to be single on Sundays,” says Linda, 32, of Englewood, NJ. “Then one day I woke up and was so relieved that I could enjoy some peace and quiet.” Once being solo is as appealing as being a duo, you’ll have better luck finding another (better-suited) partner.