Secret Garden

by Bruce Springsteen
from the Soundtrack of Jerry Maguire



She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice

You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

the Mafiosi at the Last Supper?

"I don't know, maybe something you did angered God.

Oh yeah! God's very angry with you. I remember him telling me that at the Last Supper.

They had good fish there..."

lunch sluts...

I got this from a forum I was lurking around. I thought it was funny and worth a read. So here... I'm sharing it with you.



Driving in this morning, the local radio morning show I listen to was attempting to gloss a new term for chicks who accept free lunches from guys in the workplace. That is, a girl will tend to go out with a group of guys to lunch and someone will end up covering it for her, or she'll go out with a couple different guys individually on different days of the week and, of course, when alone, a guy would be more likely to pull the ole..... ehhhh I'll get this; don't worry about it. And I'm sure some guys see it as another possible avenue to get some action if they are being so nice as to repeatedly pay for some girl's lunch.

I've never really considered it before, but yeah there are a couple of girls from my office who do this. Do the math and these girls probably are saving a couple hundred bucks a month by being lunch sluts. I've even bought one of them lunch a couple times before. And, full disclosure, yeah I find her very attractive and would not decline romantic activities should she fed-ex them to me. Although, I'll also say that there is a degree of sexism at play b/c I've also bought dinner for my friend's long-time girlfriend before b/c it just feels emasculating or maybe even kind of gay to split the bill when it is just you and a girl.

So. . . are any of you girls guilty of being lunch sluts? (I know most girls I've talked to are admittedly happy hour ho's -- accepting free drinks from desperate guys but not giving up any action). And have any guys been duped by lunch sluts? And if so, do you do it knowingly, hopingly? And maybe you're even a lunch pimp, offering to buy lunch for a certain girl in the office just to see if that opens any doors?

faded flowers were once fragrant...

as memories remembered were once sweet.

on why I blog...

I started these blogs as a diary to chronicle my present days but always seemed to slide sideways into recounting the past days and past details of my own small life. The more I read and studied the accounts of others, both written and told, the more it seemed to me that we attempt such personal histories not to preserve knowledge, but to fix the past in a settled way.

Much like flowers pressed flat and dried, we try to hold it still and say this is exactly how it was the first day I saw it. But like a flower, the past cannot be trapped this way. It loses its fragrance and vitality, its fragileness becomes brittleness and and its colours fade. And when next you look at the flower, you know that it is not all what you sought to capture.

It is that the moment has fled forever.

I captured my thoughts on paper and then electronically. I believed that by fixing it down in words I could force sense from all that happened, that effect would follow cause and the reason for each event would become clear for me. Perhaps I sought to justify to myself not just all I had done but who I had become.

For awhile now, I have written faithfully in these blog of mine. I have held it so carefully explaining my world and my life to myself. I leave these words alone now, trusting I have captured the meaning of my days.

on my to~DAY...

sigh... I feel so tired.

I completed my Java Assignment submission in class today. I had it debugged and working 10 minutes right before the end of the class. I got it demo~ed to my tutor who was impressed with me. Whee~

I'm really happy I got my HD 'cause this is one of those rare times that I feel that I deserved it.





on JAVA...


Java J2EE Specification

I now understand the nature of EJBs and sessions. The remote interface class and the corresponding EJB class must have the same number of corresponding methods, that return the same data types and that throws the same exceptions. Because, it is after all, an interface.

And another thing, please note that EJB classes are NOT tightly coupled with the Data class.

An example, you have a set of EJB classes that define your Projects table in your database. Refer to your ISYS2049 wk07ex03_v2 work Chris.

Your EJB classes are:
1. Projects.java - your remote interface class
2. ProjectsHome.java - that initializes and creates your EJB container
3. ProjectsEJB.java - contains your business logic.
4. ProjectsPK - the class that defines the primary key of your table

So your ProjectsData.java class is where the data from the database fields are kept in the session. They have NOTHING to do with the EJBs. So, you CAN change the data types in your Data class and just have your corresponding variables's data types in the EJB classes correctly parsed.

the Low Coupling, High Cohesion pattern...



I had then built my own validation package in Java. With methods to check if an input is an int, long, or some other primitive type.

This is for my future reference. (not bragging...)

I did this by building a method that enclosed what I wanted tested (a String type input from a web form) in a try-catch block. By then having what I want validated parsed from the String type into the primitive type I wanted, I could then throw an error that returned a boolean type false back to the calling method.

example of Validation code...

public boolean isInteger(String stringIn) {
System.out.println(" isInteger : " + stringIn);
try {
// could be substituted for some other primitive data type
int validInteger = Integer.parseInt(stringIn);
} catch (NumberFormatException e){
System.out.println(" isInteger : " + stringIn + " - FALSE");
return false;
}
System.out.println(" isInteger : " + stringIn + " - TRUE");
return true;
}

goodnight people...

I got to learn so say no to people...

I've decided to stop helping people with their coding stuff for the interim. A lil' sick with people asking me for help on their Java and .Net stuff, especially when I don't really know them. Crys? you know you are special exception. Heh!

I just want to get my own stuff done first.



Reading some Robin Hobb now. Kwang, if you see this man, go get her the Tawny Man trilogy...

Fool's Errand
The Golden Fool
Fool's Fate

Or 'course you're welcome to borrow it off me when I get back to KL man... Heh! It's the continuation of the Farseer and the Liveship Traders trilogy. I guess you now know why the story ended quite so abruptly in those books.

I'm going to go get some shut-eye now.

Why do people fall in love with...

another when they have not ever met?

Hmm...

A friend of mine mentioned that she has a malay friend who doesn't go out and has a curfew. She isn't even allowed to date so i guess this is why she is already talking about marriage with someone whom she knows on the internet...

This is to Crys and Darren. We had this chat sometime previously in June.



Can someone be that desperate for love and attention? Is this the cure for the loneliness in one's heart ? I mean if both of them were to meet and begin the dating game ....

That's fine ....

But marriage?!? .... it's really jumping the gun here .....



When you have good relationships, you don't need to find security in something else, whether it's alcohol, sex or food. When you have good relationships, you're less likely to try to fill the void with something else. When you have good relationships, some of the deepest needs are being met.

Dr. Cloud (an excerpt from MSN Match) does say, "Bonding is one of the most basic and foundational ideas in life and the universe. It is a basic human need. God created us with a hunger for relationship--for relationship with him and with our fellow people. At our very core we are relational beings. Without a solid, bonded relationship, the human soul will become mired in psychological and emotional problems. The soul cannot prosper without being connected to others."



I think we're all hungry for relationships that are lasting, full of trust and fun. Many of us grew up in homes where our dads worked too late at the office to get another promotion so they could buy the Rolex or Beemer (read as BMWs). Moms had college degrees and families wanted the additional income, so moms worked. Our parents may have lived under the same roof but that was about it.

So, what do we do? Who can make me feel good? Who can I run to? Who can help me escape from a world of unconnectedness - if only for a little while?



The truth is that no one wants to be alone. Although we make a big deal out of "doing our own thing" and insisting on individual rights, we all long for the security and warmth of an intimate relationship with someone who is crazy about us. We may say we "want to be alone" and desire "some space", but our stronger desire is to share some space with someone who loves us.





loneliness...

desperate for love...

desperate to be loved...

The thought is strange to me, because there is no face~to~face contact. It just does not make sense in the traditional context. I'm one of those who does not believe it is possible to just exchange photos online and *whoops*, fall in love.

Maybe I'm just being cynical.





Unfortunately, I have made the 'classic mistake'. I call it a 'classic' mistake because it's one that is made by a majority of us, at least once in our lifetime (although, it seems many people make it over and over again).

I decided the answer to my problem was a girl - or, to be less gender oriented - a relationship with another person. I thought getting a girlfriend would give me new purpose in life. I thought that having a fiancee would give me meaning to all that I do. I thought that getting married would fill the void I was feeling.

I think everyone has at least heard of someone who got married to escape his or her current situation or environment. While you may be in love, if the motivation behind getting married is to escape, then the decision is a mistake.

Fortunately, this was revealed to me. Through the help of my parents, I realized that what I needed was a relationship, but not with just anyone. Dad who is ever simple and practical. His wisdom is my Occum's Razor. Mum who is less intellectual but patiently willing to be reasonable. I'm really grateful for parents who have level heads over their shoulders.

It was true that I needed a change and that I needed fulfillment, but it was going to take something (or someone) greater than some girl to do it.



I want to live my life without regrets. I'm going to try something new and stupid over the next 6 months. I am going to get myself a YZF-R6.








You sit on ICQ for 6 hours waiting for that certain special person to sign on.

I'm guilty of having done that...

someday we'll know...

Mandy MOORE & Jonathan Foreman - Someday we'll know
from the soundtrack of A Walk to Remember


LYRICS

90 miles outside chicago
Can’t stop driving
I don’t know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
You’re still on my mind
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love just once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the Titanic cry

Chorus:

Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
I’m speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time tonight

(chorus)

Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren’t you here with me?

(chorus)

Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you

International Phonetic Code

A for Alpha

B for Bravo

C for Charlie

D for Delta

E for Echo

F for Foxtrot

G for Golf

H for Hotel

I for India

J for Juliet

K for Kilo

L for Lima

M for Mike

N for November

O for Oscar

P for Papa

Q for Quebec

R for Romeo

S for Sierra

T for Tango

U for Uniform

V for Victor

W for Whiskey

X for X-ray

Y for Yankee

Z for Zulu

no gf?... do JAVA

woke up cranky and tired today...
I had a really rough weekend slaving and working.
Had assignments to do too.

Want to know a great cure for Monday blues? do JAVA...

really mou liew bored? do JAVA...
cranky and depressed? do JAVA...
no girlfriend? do JAVA...



Anyway, I got through another hurdle for my Java.
Helped Crys get hers running too.
She really is having a hard time udnerstanding the J2EE spec stuff.
I can't say I fully udnerstand EJBs myself.
But I got the general idea.

And the concept of JAVA is facinating.


signed,
your local resident JAVA ~GOD~





BTW, I got a haircut! whee~

It was either Voltaire or Charlie Sheen who said, "We are born alone. We live alone. We die alone. And anything in between that can give us the illusion that we're not, we cling to."

by Gabriel Byrne.

answers...

This is from a magazine article I had read recently...

This is an interview with Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, a resident Phd. in Human Anthropology. Her field is that of human sexual relations but, from what I gather, she is more interested in relationships and connections.

She had this to say about her First Sex. Or, as I would put it, her first real relationship... the FIRST LOVE.





an excerpt from the article...

Her first relationship was characterized by honesty and commitment and lasted four years. As they were "high school sweethearts" in India, their understanding of the other's needs and experiences was unique. She lost her virginity to him at 17. Morissey speaks of this relationship with wistfulness; even her doctoral thesis concerned First Sex ("I have a big passion around it.") "We were very, very close," she says, "I was so ready that I presumed I pressured him into sex." When I entered this profession, he was like: Of course! I couldn't have asked for a better introduction to sexual expression. We created our own world through the relationship. Through him, I learned partnership.

Morissey may have underestimated the impact of her parents divorce. "I hit 20 and worried tgat I wasn't expressing enough freedom." Disconcertingly, she shifts to the present tense. "This is too much, too young - something's gonna go bust because we're gonna grow apart or we're gonna be so connected that we're gonna get married and this is all I'll have known and that can't be. I need to find an escape." Just as abruptly, she returns. "And sure enough," she simply says, "by 21 we'd broken up."





my thoughts...

"This is too much, too young - something's gonna go bust because we're gonna grow apart or we're gonna be so connected that we're gonna get married and this is all I'll have known and that can't be. I need to find an escape."

Over the past week, I've chewed this thought through a few dozen times. I've come to understand that we humans live on average a good 70 years. And, at about 20 something we often feel unbound and unrestricted. We all acheive our first taste of true freedom, with the accompanying responsibilities and possibilities.

We all want to see what the great big world has to offer us. We don't want to live our lives with regrets and one day wake up and say, "and this is all I'll have known."

We all want to fly and spread our wings.



I think this is the answer I am looking for.

night out on Thursday...

An Indonesian event last Thursday night.

Simply Sexy... with topless waitresses. Heh!

Nothing special...

It was pretty okay... Had met a lot of old friends and made a few new friends. Heng and crew was their usual slick selves but the crowd was a little depressing. Too many guys and not enough girls. But that is what you get when you sell prepaid tickets.







Oh... an afterthought, 'I hate fkn DRUNK women!'














And a pic I stole off Kelly... heh! Heng and his crew.

Gucci Tuxedo Jacket

Are you over your ex? Are you sure?

By Alonna Friedman

An article from MSN Dating and Personals.




“We often don’t see that we are not ready [to date again] because we’re trying to be strong and protect ourselves." We want immediate gratification to heal wounds, so now that X is gone, bring on Z.

Getting involved with someone new only works if your ex is out of your system.




I know (sarcasm...) that it was written with women in mind as the readers. But still, check yourself!

1. His name is no longer part of your lexicon.
“You need to talk about your ex to process the breakup and exorcise him from your mind,” says Rhonda Findling, author of Don’t Call That Man: A Survival Guide to Letting Go. “But if you still make references to him months down the line, you’re still preoccupied.” That goes for praising him and badmouthing him.

2. You’ve erased all signs of him.
Any reminder, no matter how cute or fuzzy, will let the relationship specter haunt you. Take those photos, the stuffed monkey, and the cheap necklace and hide them in the back of the closet. Even less obvious bits of the past can keep you from moving forward. “I deleted his number from my cell because it came right before my mom’s so I saw his name all the time,” says Carla, 28, of New York City. “Then I got rid all the voicemails I had saved.”

3. Reminders of him don’t cause pain.
Some things you can’t put up in the closet. Whether it’s the song you danced to when “I love you” was first uttered or hearing someone order his favorite sandwich in a deli, you should no longer get weepy. Lots of people like roast beef on rye. It’s okay if you’re prompted to remember him briefly, but sad thoughts should not prevail.

4. He has a new girlfriend—and you’re happy about that.
“I heard my ex was seeing someone new and I was jealous at first,” says Marie, 29, of San Diego, CA. “It was only when I stopped feeling sick to my stomach that I knew I was 100 percent over him.” When you feel genuinely happy that he has moved on, it’s time for you to do the same.

5. You stop comparing new men to your ex.
“You can blame it on lack of chemistry, but if you aren’t ready to start a new relationship, you’ll come up with any excuse for why the date was bad,” says Findling. You are over him when you can peg a bad date as just that — bad — and not blame the guy for failing to live up to your ex.

6. Having the weekend to yourself feels fine.
When your other half is gone, being alone feels dreadful. How can you get through that unstructured time without that special someone by your side? But eventually that anxious outlook fades. “Weekends were always for couple time, so it was hard to be single on Sundays,” says Linda, 32, of Englewood, NJ. “Then one day I woke up and was so relieved that I could enjoy some peace and quiet.” Once being solo is as appealing as being a duo, you’ll have better luck finding another (better-suited) partner.

Women are NEVER wrong...

Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible."

Hmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

learn chinese...

1) That's not right ......................................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive? .................. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP ............................................ Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man .............................................. Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ............................................. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? .......................... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ..................... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ........................ Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ................................ Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet .................... Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone ............................ No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ................................. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile .................. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ...................... Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great ...................................................... Fa Kin Su Pa

Thomas Wolfe had it right when he said, 'You can't go home again'.

Help me out here guys...

Who is this writer named Thomas Wolfe?
Why is he considered such an integral character to contemporary literature?
Why are his books much beloved and analysed?

Borders apparently has no copies of his literary works in stock.
So I've not had a chance to read any of his books yet.

What is the significance of his book 'You can't go home again'?





Who is Thomas Wolfe?



You Can't Go Home Again
(1940)
A novel by
Thomas Wolfe

The last of Thomas Wolfe's novels. George Webber has written a successful novel about his family and hometown, but when he returns to that town he is shaken by the force of the outrage and hatred of those exposed by the truths they have seen in his book. He begins a search for his own identity that takes him to New York and a hectic social whirl; to Paris with an uninhibited group of expatriates; to Berlin, lying cold and sinister under Hitler's shadow. At last Webber returns to America and rediscovers it with love, sorrow, and hope.

Breaking Benjamin - Rain

I find this song to be meaningful to me.

I tell myself that tomorrow... is just another day.



"is it you I want,
or just the notion,
of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around."

I believe I like the notion of having a companion.
Just because I'm afraid of being lonely.
Companions can be all or any as best friends, girlfriends, heng dai, colleagues and family.
"No one wants to be lonely," is the justification I iterate.
But, one really can have a fulfilling life without girlfriends.

It never means being alone.

The wheels of the world turns and revolves...
THINGS CHANGE...

I now tell myself that tomorrow... will be a new day.





LYRICS

Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,

I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,

Rain, rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion of,
A heart to wrap around so I can find my way around,

Safe to say from here,
You're getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be,

Rain, rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain, rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,

Rain, rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain, rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

the VERONICAs

from Brisbane, Australia...
These rocker twins who are conquering the California Bay area are the VERONICAs.





They look rather interesting to me... *ahem*

In other news, their new hit single the VERONICAs - 4ever is really catchy.





the VERONICAs - 4ever

LYRICS

Here we are so what you gonna do
Do I gotta spell it out for you
I can see that you got other plans for tonight
But I don’t really care

Size me up you know I beat the best
Tick tock on time to rest
Let them say what their gonna say
But tonight I just don’t really care

Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever

Ive seen it all I’ve got nothing to prove
Come on baby just make your move
Follow me lets leave it all behind tonight
Like me just don’t care

Let me take you on the ride of your life
That’s what I said alright
They can say what they wanna say
cuz tonight I just don’t even care

Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever

Lets pretend your mine
We could just pretend, we could just pretend, yeah yeah
You got what I like
You got what I like, I got what you like
Oh come on
Just one taste and you’ll want more

So tell me what your waiting for

Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you

Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever

"A masterpiece sword... without a scabbard, without a master."

assignment 3... JAVA

I just made it back from a Java programming session at uni.
It's frustrating when your code will compile but, you have referencing errors.
These errors are step below thrown null exceptions.

Note to self...
When in doubt, always go through the program logging files.

I am tired...
These last few blog posts and may sleep claim me.

Bonnie Raitt - I Can't Make You Love Me

I Can't Make You Love Me
written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblin
as performed by Bonnie Raitt





LYRCIS

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
inside my head

Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
don't patronize

Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't

I'll close my eyes
then I won't see
the love you don't feel
when you're holding me

Morning will come
and I'll do what's right
just give me till then
to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't

was a busy Monday

"Yesterday...
Yesterday was the day before today.
Yesterday will be today, when today becomes tomorrow."





a Monday Morning

5:30 am
Finally finished off my stuff.
Crawled into bed thinking, "I'm so dead tomorrow."

9:00 am
I was supposed to be up by now...

10:00 am
Frank called... to wake me the hell up!

10:45 am
Finally woke up... was groggy and grumpy to meet the smiling sun.
I dragged myself to the toilet to get a shower and a shave.
And, I ran out of toothpaste and hair wax.
The damn sun was still smiling at me

11:30 am
Arrived at Frank's place to start my busy, busy day.
We were going on a el grande' road trip with Sherls and Frank
"To Geelong, here we come!"





Geelong

Went down to Geelong for a visit and linked up with Sarah from SUBWAY.
She now works at the SUBWAY in Geelong.
Frank, Sherls and me... we went round and about Geelong.
We headed until the Waterfront at the bay.
In 2 words... Beautiful Scenery.
The place has changed so much since I was last there to see the Williamsons.

It was a bright sunny day but, with intermittant rain...
Fickle minded weather... like women.

So I had passed a lot of opportunities to grab good pictures.
The rain kept us indoors and the grey skies came and went.
But, I got a few of Sherls, Frank n me.

We were at La Parisien for lunch.
Beautiful food... some chilled sparkling mineral water.
Good friends... Sarah had joined us after work.
We all shared coffee and conversations.
What else could make this a better moment? subarashi jinsei

We left Geelong at about 3:00pm to head back to the city.
It seemed a really long drive back to Melbourne.





rest of the day...

Stopped at school for about 2 hours to get started on my assignment
Some... Java programming.
Am currently doing some Java J2EE spec stuff with sessions and EJBs.
The JBOSS EJB server deliveres web logic interfaces.
And is packaged with Tomcat webserver to serve the html interfaces.
A lot of theoretical stuff that I don't fully yet grasp.
I am planning on getting my J2EE certification at the end of the year.





dinner at frank's

Sat about watching Frank play the Punisher
I never understood why I never really finished the game.
Sherls made a beautiful soba salada for all of us.
What is it? Wheat soba noodle salad...
Then after, sat about for a bit waiting for Anvaar to call...
Wa eating mandarins and watching 'Who wants to be a millionaire?'
There were a couple of bogans who lost out because of a chemistry question... haha!

What is a chemical compund that is coloured purple? Potassium ____?____
Answer - Potassium permanganate, KMnO4, is a purple crystalline compound with a metallic sheen.




Anvaar, Gillian, Coffee and Cake

Linked up with Anvaar... Haha
Who apparently was waiting for me waiting for him...

"Strange is the way the wheels of the world revolves..."

Anyway, we ended up at Nocturrno's eating and talking.
He had brought Gillian along.
His new squeeze I reckon...
She is an amazingly warm and sunny Malaysian.
But then again, Malaysians (the weather) are often warm and sunny.

Anvaar, Gillian and I started trolling about for a new place to sit and hang out after.
Lygon was considered passe' cause' of 'employment' reasons.
And, Chapelli's was too far away...
We just couldn't be bothered.

We ended up at Lin Contro for coffee and cakes.
But the heating was rosak.
Stayed as long as we could in the freezing cold.
Then finally ended up going back home.





sidetracked for a bit...

While I was still in the city... bumped into Sha Sha and Ariel.
The girls really look very different when they are not all made up.
I had trouble recognizing them...
I think I ticked Sha Sha off, minor offence.
I think it was 'cause I did not recognize her 'cause she was not dolled up.
Or, it must have been something I said.
I think that to women, makeup is a little like 'war paint' or even 'emotional armour'
It sets up their mind set... a different frame of mind.

I find Ariel to be more attractive without make up.
A little less intimidating, perhaps...
I'll admit that, more often than not, I am intimidated when meeting super attractive, 'gorgeoooooous...' women face-to-face.
Without makeup... I think women look more human, less like a plastic mannequins.
(Barbie dolls!)
I think that the minor imperfections are that which makes us humans look alive.
I find the most delight in natural beauty...
Framed under soft morning sunlight...
But, I've gone off topic.

Yea... definately, Ariel is much more appealing to me without her make up.





caught up with Ho Seok at 7 Eleven


I bumped into Ho Seok on the way back.
Was driving home laong High St and I saw his head in a 7 Eleven.
So I stopped to say hello.





parting shots...


And that is all there is to it...
I enjoyed a fulfilling day, though fairly devoid of meaning.

the rhythm of my fate is CHILLOUT SMOOTH.

James Blunt - You're beautiful

I just watched the video clip for this beautiful song.
It starts by having James Blunt here singing in the pouring rain.

He is slowly removing his clothes and folding them neatly in front of him.
He is then singing, "You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true."
It is almost as if laying them out as a display.

Blunt then sits down and starts removing his shoes and his personal articles.
And, he is still singing about the girl, "I saw you face in a crowded place.
And I don't know what to do."
He again arranges the shoes, watch and other nick-knacks in front of him.

The whole song he is singing he is not worried about the girl, "'cause I've got a plan."

Then comes the final few moments on the clip where he mouths, "But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you."
The camera pans outs and shows that Blunt is standing on a bridge.
And, James Blunt jumps off...

I mean... WTH!?!

I can understand the depth of the feelings of love at first sight.
And, we (most of the human race anyway) can show empathy with unrequited love.

BUT... I really have to ask, "That was your grand masterpiece of a PLAN?!?"

What does your suicide acheive?





Lyrics

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
F**king high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

a weekender

Heng... as in my heng dai.
It is strange how the wheels of the world turn.
Met him through mutual aquaintances... and became fast friends.

We both want faster cars though...
Your Honda Integra TYPE-R DC5 and my Nissan Silvia S15 R.





too drunk after LAVISH

Great night at LAVISH on Friday.
Thanks to all for the invites and the open tables.
The turnout this week was a little less than the previous week.
Though we all still linked up with some of James's crew.
Heng, again, got Dicky piss drunk.

I got to see Rain, Sha Sha and Ariel there.
I think a fair few guys were drooling over these *HAWT* ladies.
Anvaar said he saw you limp home this week Rain.
Are you alright?
Don't party too hard... yea?

I'd like to get some pics of Ariel just to see the comments.
As Rain describes her friend, "She is gorrrrrrrrrgeous..."

I think the Chivas Regal we had was a little too strong for me.
The kick is DEFINATELY double barrelled.
I never felt the high until we were about to leave.
And, by then, I had already had too much.
I think I made a royal fool of myself that night...

Thanks to friends who helped me limp home.





after party? more like after the party...

I still made it to work at SUBWAY the next day.
Sans the headaches and thr hangovers...
I'm grateful for small miracles.

Next time? I'm pretty sure I'll watch myself a little closer...

Thanks again to friends who helped me limp home.

the rhythm of my fate is DISSONANCE.

Altitude - ELEVATION

I just got back from clubbin'... ^_^

Anvaar... there is more to this man's intellectual corporate persona.
You're gonna get shit about it from me.

I feel like crap, been ages since I went to a place that played HARD TRANCE.
Feel tired and wasted.
The DJ was awesome...
I wanted to leave but he just kept playing good stuff.
There was a Cobain remix.
And, that made my night...

Nirvana, smells so much like teen angst.



Oh, Crys...
Remember how I went with you to grab a look at some places for your b'day?
Well... Altitude is that funny place on Russell St.
Do you know what they do there? RAVE.
I'm glad you choose Decorum, 'cause I doubt your friends would have liked it much.



Gonna get some sleep now.







Smileys from the tag at ELEVATION...

subway? what do I do there?

from a msn messenger chat session...

friend says:
"ahahaha... actually, what ur work deals with?"
c_keah says:
"making sandwiches"
c_keah says:
"im technically a sandwich artiste'"
c_keah says:
"but i refer to myself as a sandwich consultant"
c_keah says:
"but in all truth i'm just a part time wage earner making sandwiches..."

and Alvin said...

from a last sms...

"Chris, I'm leaving this time.
You don't think too much the past, okay?
Let me see the powerful you, okay?
Missing you,
Alvin"

farewell Alvin Chan...

Alvin leaves at on the 5:30 am flight today for Hong Kong.
After much deliberation and thought he is going home.
I doubt that he is ever coming back.
With the world being the giant place it is, I still hope we'll meet again.
Maybe I'll head to Hong Kong sometime and look him up.

I feel as if I am losing my older brother.
He has looked out for me for the 4 odd years we knew each other.





And, all I have as a memento of our final yumcha session is this card.




Crepelato in Boxhill, serves great macha ice cream.





heng dai... take care and God bless.

pick up lines? HAHA

Excuse me, do you think you might possibly
have a mutual friend who could introduce us?

Crazy Thoughts! part deux...

1. If a criminal turns himself in shouldn't he get the reward money?

2. Is there anything easier done than said?

3. Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?

4. When you see the weather report, and it says "partly cloudy" and then, the next day, it says "partly sunny". What’s the difference?

5. Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?

6. If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?

7. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

8. If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?

9. If the weather man says, "It's a 50% chance of rain," does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?

10. Humans feel blue when they are sad. What color does a smurf feel when they are down?

11. If you mated a bull dog and a shitzsu, would it be called a bullshit?

the SPIFFE perfect male archetype - PART 2

This is a continuation of the earlier the SPIFFE perfect male archetype.



The SPIFFE perfect female male archetype!

S piritual
P hysical
I ntellectual
F inancial
F ree
E motional





How do I rate myself with this SPIFFE archetype?


I had a think about it
I am probably just an SIE
that is 4 characteristics short of the total sum

3 out of the 7 is approximately 43 percent
Does that mean I fail?
Can I take a supplementary exam?
...or a make-up assignment?
HAHA...

Spiritual is a part that I find is dependant on your connection with others.
I'd say that yes... I'm a Spiritual, subject to conditions.
I understand that there are just some people you get on really well with.
And, I concede that there will some who find me unbearable... grating even.
I've been told I'm sometimes too arrogant and come off as cocky.
But that is probably just me...
If you knew me you'd find that I'm all that 'aware, in touch, understanding, emphatic and intuitive'.
I'd like to think that my mindset is open and we'd all get along.

I'm not a Physical.
I'll admit this much.
Girls... you'd definately NEVER stop and look at me in a crowd.
I probably am the most vain~ugly guy around...
I am not at the end of the path of being short and balding.
But, at the rate I'm living and looking at my dad (Sorry dad! But we all know you need the exercise.)... I'd probably end up there.
I'm not an Adonis... will probably never will be.
I am not a fashion palate cum clothes horse du-jour either
I dress to be comfortable and often fall short behind fashion trends.


I'd like to think I'm an Intellectual.
Academic smarts is probably not something you'd descibe me as having.
All my life I've only ever been mediocre at school.
I'm a lazy guy...
But, I seem to be able to learn and pick up stuff fairly quickly.
Show it to me once or twice and I can probably reproduce it back for you.
"Monkey see, then monkey do..."
I do like to read... a lot.
Well read... I'm able to entertain you with stories and stuff.
I devour books, magazines, newspapers, etc on a weekly basis.
If I feel bored over cereals at breakfast, I'd read the back of the cereal carton... then I'd read the back of the milk carton.
I also happen to like the fact that Melbourne has a free newspaper in the form of the Mx.

I am not currently not a Free.
I am just not available.
I've got too much to do in my life.
I work and study.
I hope to be stable enough soon and then wind back on my work commitments.
There is not much time left for play or even rest...
And, I'm barely coping, yet am surviving...

I am also not a Financial.
I am still financially unstable, I think...
I don't have debts of any sort but, I feel that I do not have enough disposable income.
I don't now where I went wrong.
I've got enough to survive on...
Enough to eat, to put clothes on my back and to have a shelter over my head.
Not very proud to say that my parents are still helping me out.
I'm not declare I'm able to be fully independant.
I am just not ready to stand with my own feet... yet.

I am a Emotional.
At this moment I'm probably unstable in this aspect.
My head is not screwed on right-way-round and I've a lot of skeletons to air out.
A lot of bad stuff happened (and some worse stuff too) this year and I'm still sorting myself out.
I am a good listener... others have told me so.
I like a good story and I'm very emphatic towards the sad ones.
It's unfortunate I don't hand out good advice.
Dad does though... but he has a good 30 years headstart over me in life experience.
But yea, we all make do with what we have.

So, that sums it up...

Crazy Thoughts...

1. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

2. If money does not grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

3. If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?

4. If there's an exception to every rule, isn't there an exception to that rule?

5. What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?

6. Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?

7. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

8. Did Adam and Eve have navels?

9. How can someone "draw a blank"?

10. How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

11. If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor? And why do bars have parking lots?

12. Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

13. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

14. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

15. Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

16. How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?

17. If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

18. What disease did cured ham actually have?

19. If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?

20. What happens when you say “Hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?

the Meaning of Life

Something cute I found on the internet while waiting for my JAVA code to compile.
Have a read and test your grasp of understanding and comprehension.

W O W !

without further ado, here is the...





FAQs about the Meaning of Life

includes the Douglas Adams joke of '42'

Copyright: ©1999 and ©2000 by Eliezer S. Yudkowsky. All rights reserved.

Date of creation: 02/18/99.
Date of completion: Two and a half millennia after the death of Socrates. No, not exactly.
Time to create: 5 weeks.
Last update: Sun Sep 24 20:55:48 2000

Target audience: People experiencing emotional distress because they don't know why they're getting up in the morning.

Disclaimer:
This site is not affiliated in any way with Ask Jeeves or AltaVista.
Use at your own risk.

The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.

by Vince Lombardi

thoughts on showing emotion?

Conceal & control your emotions

The greatest deterrents to power are your emotions, which is why you must be their master. Anger can be particularly deadly. It clouds your judgment and sends you lashing in rage, hurting your image. Keep your feelings in check and the rest will follow. Take a step back and clear your head from the situation at hand. This will allow you to look at it objectively and make the best possible and logical decision.

sobering...

Alvin had reminded me about some of the more important things in life.

"but remember, not everyone gives chance to you.
and not everyone doesn't give you blame when you do mistake.
please take this for tuition, ok.

don't let thing to affect you, otherwise, you would have no future.
and people would lose the trust of you, ok.

you have to be tough and disciplined, ok.

anyway, go and sleep and work hard for your assignment."

mental note to self...

When you're heartbroken, never listen to the radio...

The sappy love songs they play kills!

subarashi jinsei

the wonderful life

I need a reminder of how I want to live...

my pieces of today... this afternoon

I think too much...
I know I think too much.

There is no worse torture in life than being rejected by a woman you worship.

I can't help myself...





a lack of thanksgiving and empathy

I feel like a little shit.
There are so many people suffering in New Orleans and the on the Gulf Coast because of hurricane Katrina.
And, I can feel no sympathy for them.
All I feel is this big shadow of disappointment over my head.
I just feel numb...

I'm so sorry for the suffering people.





suppressed emotions and thoughts

And again... an old story.
I have not been sleeping or eating properly
Yesterday... I found for myself that Leanne has found someone new.
I hope she is happy and knows contentment.
That her new man treats her better than I ever had.





sweat and blood on my hands

Why is it that I am so weak emotionally?
I can't find the steel that I had under my skin a few years ago.
When I first left Malaysia...
When I first came to Year 11 at Caulfield Grammar...
When I first started university...
When I first started my internship placement...

Maybe then, 'cause I did not care that much about my life.
I then... didn't just give a damn.

Then it is the greatest why because of the the sudden about-face that I now feel.

Why am I wandering so aimlessly?

At the end of my internship year in September, I sat down with Yu Ming and had a chat about love, friends and life.
From a friend to a friend, I found out that I was better off than most.
I have clothes on my back, money in pockets...
And, most importantly, I had a sound mind and steady hands to work with.

I also remember that I was then revealed to have a steel will.
An example? A lot of people whom I gravitate around, who gravitate around me... smokes.
I don't smoke... anymore.
I've been offered, I've tried and I've left it behind.

I am grateful for these meagre few things...
A sound mind that makes my decisions.
And steady hands that implements my chosen designs.

what are my designs for today and tomorrow?

'The arrow is sharp, find the target...'

This was a phrase I coined the next day after my chat with Yu Ming.
I was aware of what skills I could do.
And I then decided what I intended to with them.
I am a technology guy...
I can code and program with Java and play with SQL all day, today and tomorrow.
All I wanted was to graduate as an IT professional.

But now, I ask what is it all worth?





I feel adrift in my life

I think I can extrapolate for myself what ronin (masterless samurai) feel like after losing their daimyo.
I feel adrift and lost... there is no more greater cause to fight for.

I've held Leanne as my final goal for such a long while...
Everything that I did was meant to acheive something better for us.
I postponed my course at RMIT for 1/2 a year so I could stay back and find an internship position in Australia.
Failing to do so, I became very withdrawn...
Then, believing I had no choice left , I shied away to pursue an internship position overseas in Malaysia.
I was happy that Leanne decided to join me there, studying at Sunway.
That was when I decided that I had found my life partner.

That was when I decided on my endgame...

I'm very envious of my friends who have decided on their respective endgames.
And that is just FKed!

What I want, I cannot have by virtue of my own strength.
Therefore, I covet my brothers property.





I am a man of NO virtues

I have no chivalric virtues as described in Of the Vertues that Apperteyne to Chyvalry by John Chamberlain.

I have diminished prowess.
I lack the appropriate courage to face my problems.
I hide behind facades and therefore, have no honesty.
I have lost many friends and therefore have no loyalty.
I have 'held no open tables' and have shown no generosity.
I have lost faith in myself and my God.
I am angry at myself and can not give courtesy.
I have lost my noble bearing and therefore lost franchise.

I have no honour, no nobility and no chivalry...





all apologies

I understand now that losing her has meant that I have lost meaning to my life.
I've tried to replace my void with Cindy...
but there was the lack of that je ne sais quoi

There were so many problems along the way.
Schedules that didn't match.
I did not have the effort or time to give.
Goals that differed so much.
She wanted to enjoy life.
I was practical and she was elemental...
I watched over, looked after and did my best to nuture her
But, it was not enough...

I am a man of diminished prowess.
I think she was unhappy at me because I couldn't fill her void and make her happy.

I hope she finds someone younger and less economical with his time.
That he languishes her with the attention she so desires.
That they both can have the fullness of life that I could not provide her.

I still offer you friendship as a guardian/mentor should you so desire it...



Now, looking back and thinking...
It was very complicated.
It was very much like roses, the relationship smelt sweet and wonderful.
But it had thorns so sharp and that cut so deep.
And, it lived too short a life...



I guess again I'm apologetic again.

I'm so very sorry to everyone whom I have hurt along the way...





after work... sleep

I've said all that I need to say.

May rest claim me...
if only for a few hours.

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

Lyrics

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
F**king high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

je ne sais quoi

It is when the French say, "I do not know what."

An indescribable attractive attribute or quality
The 'a certain something...'





I want my life partner who possesses this je ne sais quoi quality.

the SPIFFE perfect male archetype

I picked this up from the weeks MX on Friday. It was an interesting commentary on the age old question of 'What women want?' The articles put is as 'a quest to find the perfect mate for a meaningful relationship'.

The articles details the gender differences between the last two generations. Women now are empowered to do what they want in this day. Women no longer need a man to provide for her financial security or fill some void in her life. They have equality and are therefore now encouraged to travel and indulge their interests. Women are 'leading fulfilling lives as single independant and career minded people'. The support for this statement is that women today, are marrying later...

Women today want a complete package in their man.

The article then came up with the concept of the SPIFFE male archetype. Below is a word-for-word quote from the article that details this new age man.


To start with, he is Spiritual, he is is aware, in touch, understanding, emphatic and intuitive. Next you've got the "va-va-voom" happening so the sex appeal and Physical connection works. He is an Intellectual turn-onso you can spend hours talking about the meaning of life and indulge in some verbal sparring. But, best of all, he challenges you on the way you think and view the world. He is Financial, this indicates stability security, hard-work and commitment to the future. He is Free , so he is available, unattached and ready to meet someone. He is not afraid to express his Emotions instead of bottling them up and perhaps, more importantly, he is not afraid when you express your emotions.


Women today are encouraged to travel , go to university, buy real estate, and a probable other million things. They seem to be so busy that they are staying single longer and no longer seem to just settle on any guy. It's like how the article puts it, 'you can't really expect to find someone until you find yourself.'





on my thoughts?

What I'm thinking here is quite meaningless. I was re-reading this during a slow period at SUBWAY today. I asked myself, how do I fit into this SPIFFE model of the perfect man? What happens if I'm not a total SPIFFE but just happen to be SPIF or a IPE?

Ah... this is so like life.

Where do I go from here?

at Lavish

crazy night yesterday at Lavish
^_^
thanks to Heng and his crew

we had opened a few bottles
so we had our own table at the lounge upstairs
in two words... VIP treatment
even though I arrived late (I had come straight from work), I didn't have to queue
let's see what I can remember
Chivas Regal
Johnnie Walker Black
I think they like their whisky

was introduced to a new mixer
you know those Tai Ti Green Tea bottles you are able to purchase from asian groceries?
mix 2 parts that with 1 part of the *damned* whisky
(eurgh! whisky is so hard to drink...)
almost kills the flavour of the whisky...

then we had supper at Chilli Padi over at QV
amazingly, the place was still open at 5am
had a not~so~nice nasi lemak that was small and overpriced
and a very hot and pleasing teh tark

not bad for about $60 per person





* EDIT *

pictures now uploaded!

note that the puctures didn't come from my baby ixus 500
it came from either Vera's camera or Heng's phone




Heng, Vera, Kelly and Dicky




Vera, Kelly and Dicky




me (f**king high...), Vera, Dicky and Heng




a very happy Heng




Chern Wen (spelling?) and Wai Peng




Chern Wen (spelling?), Wai Peng and a body shot of Dicky




James (I think... can't really remember, sorry?) and Heng




Heng's left arm, Kelly, Wai Peng, Chern Wen and Dicky




Kelly, Wai Peng, Chern Wen, Heng and Dicky




sigh... one of the few shots that I'm in and it's blurry
me and Vera

subarashi jinsei

It's a Wonderful Life

that is my wish...
I just want a simple, uncomplicated life.