a lil mistake?

I have learnt a few things about myself.
I have come to know I am not the arrogant, careless swagger of youth on the prowl on the Friday evenings.
I have feelings and am able to feel empathy for those I leave behind.
And yet, we sometimes must "leave behind" as not to diminish ourselves.

It does makes me uneasy... this strange, strange guilt.

I still will not tolerate mediocrity in either aspects of my life.
The difference is that now I weigh my decisions and will act on my prudence.
I think I may have traded in my flint-edge impulsiveness and have exchanged it for a more tempered ambition.
I have learned to accept things I cannot change for the way things are.
I now wonder if this is called maturity?

I also have new justification about a few things I had already known about myself.
I cannot suffer a clingy girlfriend...

I know... Hah!

It's the big cliche about how men cannot commit.
It is not like I do not want to commit, but to come to find the right fit with someone is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
The world's population is estimated to be about 7.0 billion, as of September 2008, and I am looking for that special someone God made to fit me.
It seems every other person whom I meet who interests me has a characteristic that has been a relationship deal-breaker (at least to me).

I had loved and lost... twice!
And, to reflect now on how that feeling of love was pale and shallow.

I have danced with a nymphette and chased her all around town.
I had met lovely, witty and was told she had already met somebody.
I dined with a friend and we both agreed we were not meant to be... and, some days she still calls me.
I fell down with ordinary and heard her unambitious ambitions.
I had coffee with maturity and she shared her life stories.
I then ran carefree through the park with effervescence and we laughed together with child-like glee.
An old-flame caught up with me and I was surprised to how she had blossomed.
I've suffocated through clingy and I threw in the towel.

I need freedom to move around in my life.
And yet, I want someone to love and to be loved.



Ah well, whatever works!