HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

I found this image, well series of images, on my favourite search engine... Google.com
Just thought it was cute and just appropriate to...

...wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

the Dumb Brother...

A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," says the doctor.

The new mother thinks, Wow, that's not a bad name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise! Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."

tongue piercings...

A friend got her tongue pierced today.
I accompanied her as one of the cheerleaders.
She went in a room at the back of the tattoo parlour cum body piercing shop.
All I did was that I stood outside and waited...

They had giant poster sized pictures of the whole piercing process.
It starts with a fairly mundane wash and rinse of the mouth.
They provide tons of listerine so you get the fresh mouth feeling...
And, I guess, that the pierce~er guy doesn't die from your bad breath.
Then, with a real wicked looking 6 incher of a needle, they poke a small hole in the centre of your tongue.
They then affix a clamp over the needle and slide the cruel device out.
They replace that with a rather long tongue stud.
Apparently you only to get to wear the fairly innocous looking studs after about~ 2 months.
After that, it is a fairly painless affair of affixing a tongue stud.

When she got out, she did say the whole affair didn't hurt... that much.
But she said there was a lot of blood.
She was inside rinsing her mouth out cause her tongue was bleeding.
We then went to get her slurpees from a 7-Eleven.

Her plan was to go straight home, grab a glass of milk and sleep.
I was quite perplexed... and so I asked, "Why?"
She said she was going straight to sleep... 'cause then she won't really feel the pain.
All the better to let the tongue heal then.



I am still wincing from thinking that she REALLY went through with it.



*update*

Said friend has had her tongue swell up on her and that she can't really talk on the phone.
This is supposed to happen and IS the reason for the extra long tongue stud.
It is sort of like the trainer pair of earrings that you first get.
Just to get the body used to the idea of having a hole where there shouldn't be one...

She also wants some sea salt to gargle with.
I understand that salt is good for wounds and a natural antiseptic.
But, the last time I checked the equation...

salt + an open wound = BIG BIG hurt !!!

Ouchies !!!

Torturing Santa

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say, "We hate Christmas" and "Go away Santa."

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass, with a note that says, "For Santa."

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, "But from a distance, he looked like a bear."

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint "hoof prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

* J o y e u x * N o ë l *

Just a short post to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR.

We are going to be leaving the eyar that was 2005.
I'd like to take some time to thank my friends and family for the memories.

It is also going to be a new year and a good time for new beginnings.
May your dreams and wishes come true.

Take care and God bless.

Christopher, your life is in drive when you're Creating Something

Last Request

They have the Lone Ranger lined up and they are ready to shoot him. They ask him if he has any last requests. He replies, "Yes, I'll have a last cigarette." They give it to him and he proceeds to send smoke signals to Tonto, who's down the trail.

Within minutes, Tonto comes flying down the trail with a wagon filled with women.

The Lone Ranger shakes his head and says, "I told you to bring the posse!"