Christmas is a month away...

'Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.'

by Dave Barry

a design pattern

I got my NEW job as an analyst/programmer!



Anyway, I am very happy with my new career decision that I am reading up as much on Java as I can.
I was at my local Borders reading up on Java programming best practices and I got this from Better, Faster, Lighter Java by Bruce A. Tate, Justin Gehtland

How is this for a design pattern...

e=mc²

simplicity... sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer.

a new job

I start a new job today.

and hopefully... I will then have my better career prospects.

the last day at the bank

Today was the last day at the bank.

Today was my last day as a Conveyacing Officer for the Loan Processing Centre at the bank.

I will no longer be able to call myself family to the great team I was part of.
And, it is bittersweet the feeling of leaving.
My manager and team leader have both expressed that they value me and my daily contributions to the work and the team.
I was told that they "appreciated my work ethic" and that I will be missed.

On further discussion with myself, I actually am sad that I have left the bank.
I will admit that the work was mundane and boring.
But, the friends I have made were good and they accepted me as an important person of the team.
I felt that I did belong there and I really tried to contribute my weight.

I try my hardest everyday and put in 101% effort into everything that I do on the job.
I even stir my coffee a lil' faster during the breaks.
If I try my best everyday, there is not much else that anyone can ask more of myself.
And with that, I should be contented with my efforts.




I am... moving forward and not looking back.

a discussion with Nick Chong

You know... it's always nice when you have a good discussion with friends and you learn about yourself.



I have always liked how the saying goes, "No one knows you better than yourself".

But...

I also have come to know that because you are always with your own self (living, thinking and breathing everyday), you tend to get too familiar with yourself.
This familiarity makes a person neglect the deeper aspects of his/her own consciousness.

I think Nick was absolutely right when he pointed out that I have not been sincerely honest with myself.

His observations was that I am not the guy who does not really care (about not having a girlfriend).
He said that what I say and what I do are contradictory.
I've said before that I prefer to be single and that I enjoy the freedom and having time to myself.
He countered that when I was with Yen I really did care for her.
There was an evening I was out chilling with him and I said I was annoyed with her clinginess.
He noticed that I did finally buy lanterns and moonscakes in the end and went to see her.
I vaguely remembered that it was the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival and I had wanted to light lanterns and just walk around with her.

I guess that... I really do care...

Since Leanne... I do believe I have died a little inside.
In these past few years I have not completely acknowledged my true feelings that I have been a little lonely by myself.
It has been a simple life walking by myself, eating dinner alone and working hard at my job.
I have no one special special to share my joy, my frustrations or someone to rest my weary self with.
The girls that I have been with and the women who have broken my heart, I have been afraid with myself.
I don't think I did ever let any of you into my heart...

satisfy my physical desires and you have me for the night.
catch my imagination and my curiosity will follow you for the week.
touch my feelings and I will be your companion for the year.

but...

if you hold my hearts of heart, I am yours for a lifetime and the day after.

I am scared that if I ever let anyone else into my heart of hearts, I might have this piece of glass shattered yet again.
It's the pain of a broken relationship that I cannot bear.
I think I am hesitant to let anyone into myself because, the fear of the relationship not surviving is there.
I loathe the pain of severing the threads that bind and untangling the mess that is my emotions/thoughts after.



I guess that I am not... 真正的快樂

五月天 - 你不是真正的快樂

Mayday - You Are Not Truly Happy
Music and Lyrics by Ashin



人群中哭著　妳只想變成透明的顏色
Crying in the crowd, you just want to become invisible

妳再也不會夢或痛或心痛了　
You won’t dream, or ache, or be brokenhearted

妳已經決定了　妳已經決定了
You’ve decided, you’ve already decided



你靜靜忍著　緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
You quietly endure, tightly grasping yesterday in your fist

而回憶愈是甜就是愈傷人　
And the sweeter the memories the more they hurt

愈是在手心留下密密麻麻深深淺淺的刀割
The more they leave numerous and profound cuts in your hand



你不是真正的快樂　你的笑只是妳穿的保護色
You’re not truly happy, your smile is just a disguise you wear

妳決定不恨了　也決定不愛了　
You’ve decided not to hate, and decided not to love

把妳的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
Your soul forever locked away



這世界笑了　於是妳合群的一起笑了
This world laughs, and so you laugh along with everyone

當生存是規則不是妳的選擇　
As though survival is a requirement, not your choice

於是妳含著眼淚飄飄盪蕩跌跌撞撞的走著
And so in tears you drift and stumble on



你不是真正的快樂　你的笑只是妳穿的保護色
You’re not truly happy, your smile is just a disguise you wear

妳決定不恨了　也決定不愛了　
You’ve decided not to hate, and decided not to love

把妳的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
Your soul forever locked away



你不是真正的快樂　你的傷口不肯完全的癒合
You’re not truly happy, your wounds are unwilling to be completely healed

我站在妳左側卻像隔著銀河　
I stand beside you but it’s like we’re separated by a galaxy,

難道緊緊的抱著遺憾一直到老了　然後再後悔著
Will you tightly hold your remorse until you’ve grown old, and then still regret



妳值得真正的快樂　妳應該脫下妳穿的保護色
You deserve true happiness, you should pull off that disguise you wear

為什麼失去了　還要被懲罰呢　
Why after loss must you also be penalized

能不能就讓悲傷全部結束在此刻　重新開始活著
Can you let your agony end at this moment, and start to live again